The Dieting Deal

I’m too fat. Everyone knows it, and everyone makes sure I know it too. The disgruntled passengers when I take up more than one seat on the bus or the train. When I’m turned away from fairground rides. Or just the looks from strangers who think they know me and judge me by my appearance.

My psychologist told me to think more of myself. Is he kidding? There’s already too much of myself so I’m not going to think about more of me. OK. Silly joke, but I can’t take the guy seriously. I walked the five miles home, cursing under my short, panting breath, and swearing at the bus which passed me carrying its load of two passengers sharing a seat.

Exercise isn’t my thing. Well obviously, take a look at me. I walk to avoid public transport. It welcomes the public – but not me. And dieting isn’t fun. I can’t do it on my own; I need help, so I went to a retreat in the Tibetan mountains.

The “Dieting Deal”, as they called it, was a week long. A promotion of a healthy lifestyle which, they claimed, would last long after I got back home. I had the money and the time, so why not give it a try?

The flight was OK. I book first class as there’s more space. But I know the skinny stewardesses judge me each time I order from the food trolley. I was pleased to get out of the small airport, and swapped aviation technology for a horse and cart provided by the Dieting Institute to take me to the Himalayan foothills.

Poor horse, he must have been knackered pulling me so far. I was tired too, but at least I had a few snacks with me to take my mind off my body which failed to accommodate for the lack of suspension on the hard wooden cart.

I received a warm welcome by the leader, and met the other members of the group. There were only three of them, and they surprised me. Two men dressed in green had the solid build and stance that made me think they’d had military training. The third member, a girl in her late twenties or early thirties, looked like she could sprint a marathon.

I caught myself. I was judging them by their looks. Everyone has their own reason to diet.

Action started the following morning. I expected a gentle warm up with a mud bath or slow aerobics or something, but instead we went straight at it with a trek in the lower mountains. The pace was intense, and after just a hundred meters I knew...

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Paul Sterlini
Apr 19 2021

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Comments:

Very funny, loved it. Never fear the pun, they¡re great to groan to.

Tony Spencer
Feb 18 2022

I didn't see that coming. I laughed out loud!

Paul Sterlini
Apr 20 2021

I empathised with you totally. I would like to follow you diet plan, could you forward me the details of the Tibet group? Most amusung!

Wanda Sterlini
Apr 20 2021

Ha! Ya got me. Didn't see it coming. Good one.

BIll Dean
Apr 20 2021